New baby, new you. Entering this new world is so daunting but don't be scared

Learn to feel confident in your new role, trust your instincts

I remember lying in hospital after a LONG 48 hour labour feeling exhausted and holding my new tiny newborn Ava (but not actualy tiny as she was 9lbs 9ozs and came out the way you don’t want a baby of that size coming!!). I felt exhausted but ecstatic but also numb all at once. I was trying to get to get to grips with it all and I was going through the motions. I was very lucky that she latched well from the start but she was big and she needed a lot of food and my body and nipples were not ready for this new full time job! My mum advised me I should get in a “feeding routine” as soon as possible and get into a pattern of feeding every three hours. That worked for my mum when we were babies but I soon realised that not everyone or every baby is the same. Milk comes in at different speeds, babies eat at different speeds, my big baby gulped quickly but fell asleep within five minutes so it seemed like she wasn’t getting enough but maybe she was!! A good friend of mine came to stay and she said “Ignore your mum, your baby is big, feed her when she needs it, it will all work itself out” and she took Ava for a few hours and told me to go and sleep! it stands out as one of the saving moments in those early days, she told me to trust myself, she took the pressure off me for a few hours and I then took the pressure of myself of trying to fit into a mould, its never going to work, there just isn’t one mould for a new mum.

I remember so clearly going out to our local cafe to brave my first “public breastfeed”. It was May and it was so warm, up until that point I had been feeding at home so it didn’t really matter what top I wore and if I exposed extra skin, I felt in control at home and it didn’t bother me. Suddenly I was now in a public place and feeling like everyone was watching me, of course they weren’t but I felt self conscious and not in control. I wasn’t comfortable sitting on the chair as my episiotomy scar was still very raw and I was now flustered trying to feed my baby. I had a vest top on and now realised that when i fed the top half of my chest would be exposed and I wasn’t a pro at the latching on part so I grabbed a muslin and put it on my shoulder to cover me enough to feel confident. From that moment on I realised I didn’t feel the need to cover for other people really, it was for me, it was for my comfort and my control in my new role as breastfeeding mum.

In the coming months I would often find that the muslin would fall off when i was feeding and I would use my own scarf instead but it was often too big or would also fall off. I also went to a wedding when Ava was 8 weeks old and I realised i had to pick my outfit carefully to enable me to feed and I chose a jumpsuit but it left the top part of my chest exposed so I used a muslin again but felt self conscious that the muslin wasn’t really a suitable smart look at a wedding! I could never find a product that I felt I could bring to a wedding or would feel smart or stylish in, other than my own scarves. This lead me to design one myself and my product Ponchlin allows you to have a stylish scarf but also a practical poncho style that stays in place and allows you to see your baby to latch on but also covers your middle.